How a Fangirl Drives Ninjas Crazy
by The Raven2
Summary: What happens when a lot of bishounen ninjas gather in one village? Let's see shall we?
1. Introducing the leeches, um, fangirls

Meeting the Leeches…um…Fangirls

Hatake Kakashi whistled as he walked along. It was a beautiful day, his team was dispersed for the moment, and he'd gotten rid of the leech that had caught him earlier. Pulling his "Flirting in Paradise" book out of his belt pouch, he began reading as he walked along.

Hearing cursing ahead of him, he peeked around the corner. The scene in front of him made his one visible eye widen and a slight chuckle escape him. Hyuuga Neji stood there, trying his best to pry the "leech" that was stuck to the front of his shirt. Amused, Kakashi leaned against the wall, watching.

Neji saw him, but ignored him in favor of trying to get the girl off of him. She was fairly non-descript, with short blonde hair. It was impossible to tell the color of her eyes since she was smiling so widely that they were shut. Kakashi looked up as one of his students, Uchiha Sasuke, walked up to him.

He was forced to contain the snort of laughter that was trying to escape. Sasuke was carrying around another one of the girls, this one with long brown hair. Both girls clung to the younger men with a fervor that made it impossible to detach them.

"Sensei…" Sasuke began hesitantly. Kakashi, watched him, waiting. "Would you please help?"

Kakashi mused for a moment, seeing out of the corner of his eye that Neji had stopped cursing to listen. "I suppose I could give a few tips. But they're good for strength training you know."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he practically growled, "I refuse."

The white-haired sensei shrugged. "I can't guarantee you'll like my solution."

Neji finally spoke up. "I don't care, what is it?"

Smiling behind his mask, he gave it to them. "Hug them back."

"You have to be joking," a new voice said. Kakashi glanced behind him to see Gaara of the Desert, with yet another girl clinging to him.

"Nope. That's the easiest way to get rid of them."

Sasuke sighed, then glanced down at the girl clinging to him. "What are they anyway?" he asked, his fingers twitching.

Kakashi scratched his head, thinking. "I think they're called fangirls. I've heard of them, but never seen them before. They tend to gather when a lot of ninjas are in one place. You three should be honored. I've heard that some of them are very picky. Well," he glanced at Neji. "Except you. I had that one stuck to me earlier."

Neji fumed. "And why didn't you take care of her then?" His hands curled up into fists at his sides. There was no way that he was going to hug her, Kakashi thought.

He shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I thought she was kind of cute, and essentially harmless. Why hurt her?"

Neji glared, if possible, even harder, alternating between the sensei and the girl clinging to him. As if sensing his anger, she cuddled closer to him, latching on even more securely.

Sasuke sighed, swiveled on one heel, and walked away. "Keep Sakura away for a bit," he called over his shoulder. Kakashi grinned, then glanced at Gaara. To his surprise, Gaara suddenly crumbled, leaving sand in a pile. The fangirl, stunned, sat there a moment, then sniffled and started wailing.

"Now now," he said quietly, patting her on the shoulder. She sniffled, looking up at him. "I think he went that way," he finished, pointing in the direction he'd seen Gaara go.

She grinned gleefully then took off like a bullet, heading straight for the Desert ninja. He glanced back at Neji, wondering if he'd actually hug the fangirl or not. Neji's eyes were closed and he gritted his teeth, then slowly, painfully, wrapped his arms around her.

A high-pitched squeal of glee escaped her. She kissed him on the cheek before he could react, then raced off after her friend. Kakashi chuckled. "Now was that so hard?"

Neji growled.


	2. How a fangirl becomes an insomniac

Why a Fangirl is an Insomniac

Gaara sighed in relief, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes. He was lucky that the "fangirl" had fallen for his sand replication. At least he knew how to get rid of her now and what he would do was NOT what Kakashi had suggested.

Pushing himself off of the wall, he began to walk to meet the rest of his team at the gate. Now that that girl was gone, he was free to leave.

The only warning he had was a rush of wind. He turned, and as if in slow motion, the girl was leaping through the air towards him, arms outstretched. Flinging his arms up, the sand flew around him, creating an impenetrable sand ball.

He heard the thump as she hit the wall, then the slow slide as she fell down the wall. Sighing, he leaned back, crossing his arms as he tried to relax.

A scurrying sound made one eye crack open, then the other as it increased. Frowning in confusion, he pondered as to what could be making that sound.

Kakashi strolled along the street, still reading his book. A shifting sound made him look up and he forced a chuckle down. Gaara, who was undoubtedly inside the sand ball in front of him, shouldn't be warned about the fact that the fangirl was sitting on top of the ball, digging furiously away at the sand with her hands.

Perching on a fence nearby, he watched her for a while. If only Naruto could have that kind of concentration, he thought wistfully. She was completely focused on her task, to the point of not noticing that the sand was replacing itself.

Grinning, he appeared silently behind her. He tapped her on the shoulder gently and she looked up, still digging. "Here," he said, handing her a small shovel. "Maybe this will help."

She grinned and took it from him. Now she threw her whole weight behind the shovel, digging in even deeper. Kakashi stayed there a while longer, occasionally pointing out a better place to dig. Eventually he retired to the fence, closing his eyes and napping.

Gaara, unknowingly, imitated Kakashi, in lightly dozing as he waited for the sounds to die down. Slowly, over the next few hours, they became fewer and far between. He guessed it to be about midnight when they completely stopped.

Stretching as much as he could within his sand prison, he shook himself to wake up. He figured he'd wait about another hour and then maybe he could finally go meet his team.

So the time passed, and the sounds were still gone, he released the sand prison.

Unfortunately for the Sand Ninja, the fangirl had been clutching the shovel beside her, the easier to begin digging again when she woke up. As the sand ball released, she fell and the shovel hit Gaara square in the face.

The last thought before he passed out and she clung to him once more was: "Where the hell did she get the shovel?"


	3. How Sasuke won his freedom

How Sasuke Won His Freedom

The young man took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his hands into fists. The leech that still hung off of him merely tightened her grip. He could swear he could hear her grinning. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to calm.

Sadly, all of that serenity shattered as someone said, "Sasuke?"

His eyes flew open to see Sakura at the door of the room. He skittered backwards, smiling uneasily. "Uh…hi. What're you doing here Sakura?"

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei told me that you were over here."

_Damn him!_ He thought.

(Kakashi: sneezes)

"Oh, yeah, ummm, I was just doing some training is all."

"Sasuke," she said, peering at him, "did you get a new backpack?"

"Oh that…."

Fortunately for Sasuke, he never had to completely answer that question. As Sakura came into sight of the leech, the girl's eyes snapped open and she hissed. With a movement too fast for Sakura to dodge, she had tackled the pink-haired girl and was repeatedly punching her in the face, cursing under her breath.

Sasuke gasped and stepped forward….

"Wait. I'm free!" Laughing with joy, he ran out of the room, leaving Sakura to her fate.


	4. Sneak Attack

Sneak Attack

The Sand ninja peeped out cautiously from his hiding place. Using the Third Eye as well as his own, he kept watch as he made his way towards the gate. Temari and Kankuro had to be getting impatient by now, and the Kazekage didn't blame them.

(Temari, by the way, was quite enjoying herself at the bar with Shikamaru while Kankuro was arguing with Shino.)

A whir of air alerted him and he dove into a convenient alley, rapidly forming seals for Genjutsu and forming a wall between him and the street. His breath held, he listened intently to the footsteps that faltered, halted, then picked up their pace again, albeit a little disappointedly.

Trying to ignore that small feeling of guilt creeping up into his mind, he slid down the wall, placing the gourd beside him. A sigh of relief escaped his lips while he, yet again, waited her out.

Meanwhile, Natalia (the here-to-unknown name of the leech that loves Gaara) was wandering the village of Konoha. Her hands hung limply at her sides, and a few tears still stained her cheeks. Sniffling, she wiped them away and then flopped down on the sidewalk.

An irritated ninja poked her shoulder. "Hey, quit sitting in the middle of the sidewalk."

She glared over her shoulder at him, then crossed her arms and turned away with a sniff. He shook her a little. "Hey, come on, move!"

Snarling, she hunched over. "I'm not moving and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" she declared….very loudly. The ninja jumped and with a squeak, whirled and ran.

Kakashi chuckled softly. Observing the fangirl from his perch on the fence, he'd heard her vehement declaration. Hopping down, he crouched beside her. She looked up, tears still dribbling out of her eyes.

"Now now," he said consolingly, handing her a handkerchief. She took it and blew her nose, very loudly, then started to hand it back. He stared at it for a moment, then gently pushed her hand away. "No no, keep it. I insist."

She nodded, and clutched the handkerchief, still sniffling. "Now, what happened?"

The Copy Ninja sat and listened patiently to her story of woe, mostly consisting of Gaara eluding her. A plan began to form in his mind, based on a past experience of observing the Kazekage. As she finished, she blew her nose again. His unseen eye twitched a little at the abuse of the cloth.

Discarding that, he smiled widely. "I have just the thing. Come with me." Staring at him disbelievingly, she nonetheless followed when he pulled gently on her arm.

Gaara sighed. At the gate at last. However, with a frown he saw that both of his companions weren't there. Propping the gourd against the side of the gate, he stretched, loosening cramped muscles. He shook himself loose, then leaned against the gate, still keeping something of an eye out for the fangirl.

A new sound caught his attention, and he looked to his side to see what it was.

"Meowr," the kitten said again, looking up at him innocently. Her little tail twitched a little and Gaara had to smile. He knelt in front of her, leaning forward a little to stroke her head. She was a small, petite kitten, with a calico coat. In other words, she was adorable.

Purring, the kitten nudged his hand, asking for more caresses. He obliged and smiled again. Giving in to the urge, he picked her up and cuddled her in the crook of his arm. Standing, he leaned against the gate again.

She purred some more, then looked up at him with brown eyes. A smile that didn't belong on a kitten was there. Gaara's eyes widened and he started to put the cat down, but it was too late.

A POOF later, and the fangirl was snuggled against him, her arms curled tightly around his neck and, oddly, she was still purring.


	5. Freedom Comes at a Cost

A blur of dark hair whistled by and Kakashi jumped. Irritated cursing was coming from the building that Neji had just run out of. Pocketing the new book he'd been reading, he leapt onto the roof to investigate. Peering through the skylight, he rubbed his chin, pondering.

What to do? What to do? The leech that had been following Neji (now giving her the name of Zariel) was currently wrapped up in many lengths of pristine white bandages. He'd wondered why Neji's arm and leg were bare of the fabric. That could be a handy jutsu indeed.

Thinking back to his encounter with Natalia, he decided he just couldn't resist tormenting the younger ninja's some more. Popping open the skylight, he landed lightly beside the leech and swiftly cut away the bandages that were confining her.

Having prepared for it, he was braced and able to take the impact when she launched herself at him. Squeezing her gently, he expected her to let go, but was surprised when she sniffled instead and hugged him tighter.

Making soothing noises he sighed and stroked her hair. "Now now, what's wrong?" Even as he said it, he had a pretty good idea. Therefore, he was able to translate the story spilling from her that was liberally interspersed with sobs, sniffles and great wails.

"Neji is being a pain isn't he?" he said when she was finished. Sniffling one last time, she snuggled closer. (Mental note to himself: Burn this vest.) "Well then, I've got just the thing." Looking up at him with big hopeful eyes, she smiled. Unable to resist, he smiled back. "Now, here's what we do."

Huddling on the rooftop, Neji scanned the town intently. He'd seen Sasuke, and later Sakura (limping and bleeding profusely, he'd had to snicker). However, he hadn't caught sight of the leech yet. Deciding that at least this street was clear, he leapt to the ground, sticking to the shadows.

A mournful twitter caught his attention. Peering into the shadows of the market stall, he frowned at the sight of a small brown bird, tied to a perch with a small length of rope. Glancing around, he couldn't see any shopkeeper. Sidling up beside the bird, he swiftly untied the rope.

Chirping happily, the bird hopped up on his shoulder. Surprised and delighted, it didn't occur to him that the bird _should_ have flown away. Well, not till it was too late.

A "Poof!" later, and he had a leech attatched, grinning happily while Kakashi snickered in his hiding spot.

A/N: Our girls are having to get sneakier with these ninjas.


End file.
